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Find out who you are DNA test kits

Find out who you are DNA test kits

The new fad for bored people is to seek out your ancestry. Some even see it as the “perfect” Christmas gift for the whole family. However, dabbling in the mystic convolutions of DNA might cause a lot of trouble when the results are popped into your letterbox. A bad start to a woman’s morning could be that about 72 percent of women with the BRCA1 mutation and about 69 percent of women with the BRCA2 mutation will develop cancer by the age of 80, according to the National Cancer Institute. Imagine learning that your father was not your father, or worse? It wouldn’t be so dangerous if the test could suggest the correct sequence of numbers to win the lotto jackpot. This editor tried the easy to use home DNA pack as advertised on the internet, delivered for the discounted price of only $21.95. The results came this morning.

Dear Mr Chaucer,

Please find herein your DNA Geneaology Test Results:

64.23% effective Sumatran gorilla

19.11% NSW sulphur crested cockatoo

Gender choice for 62 exciting possibilities

15% blue cattle dog

7.2% sloth

Thank you for choosing “Jiffy” DNA, DIY personal test kit and please recommend us to your friends.



{ 5 comments… add one }
  • Wallace 13/02/2019, 8:00 am

    Gee Chaucer, I did the same test and got the same results as yours., except I had some rooster in me. I tried sleeping on a perch but fell off during the night. Do you think we’ve been scammed?

    • Botswana O'Hooligan 13/02/2019, 8:35 am

      Maybe you are non passerine and not supposed to be able to perch. As one of the very few qualified passerine testers licenced by the ministry in Abuja, Nigeria, just send me yr bank account number and pin number and I will issue a certificate. No need for a blood sample or a photo, just the bank details.

  • Richard White 13/02/2019, 8:58 am

    Now that I see your DNA adds to 105% I understand why mine only adds to 95%.

  • Geoff Unicomb 13/02/2019, 2:24 pm

    After looking at the advert for DNA heritage checking, I see a massive scope for fraud. They take your $90 and make up any story that appears to suit your name.
    What a crock of crap.

  • luk1955 14/02/2019, 8:54 am

    Rest assured the results of these tests are going to your “friendly” government to be used against you. Just like Farce book and You tube were set up by government agents once employed by the deep state, and really still are.

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